I think suicide is an incredibly selfish act. It provides relief to the person killing himself, but delivers so much pain to the loved ones left behind. And yet.....
One of the quotes I've been seeing attributed to Mr. Williams comes from a movie he was in, and it reads like this: "I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone."
I don't know if that's how Mr. Williams felt, if that's part of what caused him to take that final act, but I know how hard it is to rise above depression, how it takes hold of you and makes you think no one loves you, no one cares, there's really nothing left to keep you on the earth.
I'll admit to having thought about suicide occasionally in the past. I know people say it's a permanent solution to a temporary situation, but sometimes, just ending the pain is all you can think about. There's no room for considering that maybe tomorrow will be better. Depression convinces you that not only will tomorrow not be better, it will probably be a whole lot worse. Get out while the getting is good.
I don't know how Mr. Williams died, only that it seems to be suicide. But I know that I'm only still here because I couldn't find a convenient way to do it. Pills, car accident, plastic bag over my head. All too unreliable. What if I didn't die? What if I just wound up being incapacitated, a vegetable left at the mercy of hospitals, a drain on my family? And there was always a worry about who would find me, and how long it would take. I didn't want my children being the ones to discover what I'd done.
Although I no longer actively think about suicide, I don't shy from the idea of dying. I sometimes wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. If I found out I had a potentially fatal illness, I might refuse treatment. The truth is, I'm not afraid to die. I guess Mr. Williams and I had that in common.
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