No, but thanks for asking

got a message from someone I know today. It was one of those chain letter types that told me that God was testing me, and that if I forwarded it to 14 people, God would fix two big things tonight in my favor.

Most of the time, I just delete crap like that and move on. But today, for some reason, it struck a nerve. For just a heartbeat, I considered it. I can think of at least one big thing I'd like fixed. I'd like my relationship with my siblings to be healed. But even "God" can't fix that. So, after a minute, I just closed the message and walked away to fix dinner.

The people who know me really well know that I don't believe in a "God" with a capital G. I do sort of believe in a force greater than man, a superior intelligence but not a single omnipotent Being. And if I DID believe in such a Being, I certainly would not believe in one that "tests" people.

What really bothers me is that there are still people out there like that. People who are like sheep who believe whatever they're told, who don't think for themselves, who don't test and question and challenge. How can anyone believe that "God" will reward me for spamming my friends?

When I DID believe in a god, I prayed often and hard. I begged for help with sick parents and sick pets,  I prayed for my family's anger and hurt to be healed, I prayed for help with my own life.  I prayed over and over for the lives of children I didn't even know. And how many of those prayers were answered? Well, it all depends on how you look at it. I'm sure there are those who would say God answered my prayers, but the answer was no. Ha.

I have seen so much pain inflicted on the world in the name of one "God" or another. I have seen the most sanctimonious people in the world say the cruelest things, and I've got to tell you, if I could be God for a day, there'd be a whole lot of reckoning going on.

Is there a point to this? No, not really. Just venting. Thanks for listening.

Deep Thoughts

I belong to several on-line forums. Most of these forums are populated by what I refer to as Deep Thinkers. You know what I mean: the type who constantly question, challenge, ask and wonder about life's mysteries. I aspire to be like them, I really do. I imagine that they spend their days with a dialogue of Deep Thoughts running through their heads, flowing out their fingertips and into the ethers.

I also have a dialogue running through my head, but it sounds more like this: "Man, it's hot out here. Can't wait for winter  so I don't have to wear a bra when I walk the dogs. I'll be able to hide under a coat, instead. Ginger, seriously, how many times can one small dog pee? When I get home, I need to make a shopping list. I know there was something I needed, what was it? If I didn't have to hold this leash, I could get my phone out and make a list on it. Annie! What are you eating? Geez, I hate people who use the street as a garbage can. There's that truck with the expired tags again. I'd report it, but I don't want the bad karma. I hope that load of laundry is dry, I need to fold it, then sweep the floor, and wash the breakfast dishes. Wonder if I have enough brown sugar to bake a batch of oatmeal cookies?"

Well, you get my drift. I used to think that when my kids were grown, I'd have all this free time to "Discover Myself". The only thing I've discovered is that I'm a great time waster and ditherer. I'll be standing at the sink, washing out the coffee pot, and I'll realize the hummingbird feeder needs refilling. I'll get out a pan, the sugar, and a measuring cup, and make nectar. While it's cooling, I'll go outside to get the feeder, notice that the roses need deadheading, or that the cobwebs are overtaking the garage window again.

I suppose if I were a child growing up today, I might be diagnosed with ADD. I like to think that I'm just so creative I can't settle down. I have a half-dozen different projects going on at once, from finishing a quilt I started five years ago, to working on my next novel.In fact, that's what I should be doing right now. But as usual, I couldn't resist checking email, reading the latest on Facebook, and pricing new sheets on three different webpages.

It's not that I don't have Deep Thoughts. I do. I wonder if my mother knows how sorry I am for being short tempered with her that last time we went to the grocery store. I wonder how it is that I can imagine so clearly the subliminal hum of a starship's engine as I walk the corridors late at night. I ask my spirit guide to help me overcome my frustration at the state of my life. And I stare at the computer screen and think, that tiny piece of slightly salty chocolate I just ate is probably already messin' with my mind. Oh yeah. Deep Thoughts.